The afterlife

So I've been struggling with the concept of the afterlife.

Part of this is because I'm a weird mix of recon and neopagan, particularly regarding my worship of Dionysos.  Obviously, I'm not tearing people apart with my bare hands, but a lot of what's going on in the Thiasos is a combination of scholarship (regarding the Orphics, mostly) and shared gnosis.  ADF, on the other hand, is not an explicitly Greek organization, and doesn't in any way dictate belief, so I haven't seen or heard much regarding the concept of the afterlife from that end.

I'm trying to determine my own belief, honestly.  What do *I* think happens when we die?  The starting question, for me, is this: is the afterlife permanent?

The ancient Greeks seemed to view the afterlife as a permanent destination, and if you were one of the mindless shades, it wasn't a particularly pleasant one (not necessarily unpleasant, but not exactly feasts and flowers).  The initiates of the Eleusinian and Orphic mysteries, though, seemed to believe (from what I can tell, I'm not exactly well-versed) that they were, by right of their initiation, destined for and afterlife that WAS pleasant--the fields, or the feasts of Bacchus.  Then there's the concept of Tartarus, which I'm not even going to touch.

Most Neopagans I've met, on the other hand, seem to be inclined toward belief in reincarnation, and this has been my inclination as well.  My logic is that we, to a certain extent, choose our next incarnation, based on an experience we have not yet had that the next life is promised to give us.  This doesn't mean we know all circumstances of that life before we choose it, simply that we have decided "I don't know what it's like to be a female salmon" and so, we are then incarnated as a female salmon.  Once we have experienced all we desire to experience, then we stop incarnating, and migrate more into the realm of the gods than the ancestors.  None of that is based on anything other than my own experience and mind, though, so who knows how accurate it is.

The struggle I'm facing, at least now, is the idea of initiation into any kind of Bacchic mystery.  While the promise of feasting and pleasantry is an appealing one, I am... slightly disturbed by the notion that that kind of afterlife is only available to initiates.  I would want to see my family, my dog, my cat.  Should I have a child who follows Odin and dies in battle, would I never know that child in Valhalla?  Or my Christian family, who would spend eternity at the side of their god?  Am I trapped in that Dionysian revelry, with only other Dionysians as company?  I have no doubt I'd have fun, but I feel like there would be something missing.

I had the thought, as I was puzzling this through last night, that spirit may work differently than physical, in the sense that we don't need to be in only one place at one time once we are no longer constrained by physical reality.  The gods, after all, can manifest parts of themselves in more than one place at once, certainly.  What's to say we can't, as well?  But I also don't want to risk the hubris of assuming I will become like a god when I die.

As well, if reincarnation happens, what determines entrance into those exclusive clubs?  If I am an initiate now, does that give me the key card that will let me in and out, like a membership card?  How does that even work?

My thoughts are all kinds of messy right now.