Mighty Dionysus!
Bull-God!
Thrice-Born!
Lord of the Vine!
Ruler of madness!
Bringer of joy!
Three years ago, I came to you. Hesitant, desperate, I wagered on the words of a dear friend. Lying in bed, alone and crying, I called out, only Your name on my lips.
I had nothing to bring but tears and broken dreams. You took my hands, kissed the tears from my cheeks, and wrapped me in Your embrace, the embrace of joy.
You took the pain when it was too much. You took the hurt when it overwhelmed me. You took the emptiness and filled it with love. You took my broken dreams and crushed hopes, and showed me a vision of who I could be. You took my hand, and started me on this path.
You have given me so much, Lord. I cannot begin to express my joy, my admiration, my wild love for my wild god.
Thank you, Bringer of Joy!
Thank you, Ruler of Madness!
Thank you, Lord of the Vine!
Thank you, Thrice-Born!
Thank you, Bull-God!
Thank you, O Dionysus, O Lord!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Dionysos came home!
Tonight, I consecrated and blessed a statue of Dionysos I procured this weekend, thanks in part to a close friend of mine (who I call my soul-sister, because really, we were sisters at some point in one of our lives). The ritual itself was a hodgepodge of ADF style ritual, with Greek influences: Calling Hestia before the Earth Mother, using an omphalos instead of a world tree, and a few other odds and ends. For the first time, I actually created and used chernips--a small vial of water, into which I dropped a burning incense match, and then washed myself with it. It was powerful, and something I think I'll do more often.
The working to bless the statue, was, honestly, something I kind of came up with on the spot. After having stated my intentions and made offerings, I took an omen. The omen was as follows:
The working to bless the statue, was, honestly, something I kind of came up with on the spot. After having stated my intentions and made offerings, I took an omen. The omen was as follows:
- Have my offerings been accepted? ~Khi: "Succeeding, friend, you will fulfill a golden oracle." Positive omens to start off with.
- What do the Kindreds offer to me? ~Beta: "With the help of fortune, you will have an assistant, Apollo." Assistance, guidance. I had asked for this earlier in the day, but had sensed the Kindreds wanted something more before they were willing to offer me specifically what I was asking for, which I won't go into here.
- What further needs do the Kindreds have of me? ~Delta: "In customs, inopportune strength is weak." I have always had trouble interpreting this particular oracle. In this one, however, the message seemed clear: timing is everything. Persistence and patience will win the day, don't try to do everything at once.
Those omens received, I opened a new bottle of local Ohio wine, poured a libation to the Lord of the Vine, and poured a small cup for myself. After sharing the wine with him, I took the statue, and anointed it with both the chernips and the wine, blessing it as a home for Him, a place of His worship and His rest. I dedicated this shrine to him, with its own offering bowl, and His flame (a candle I have had for quite some time, before I was able to get a direct representation of Him). I asked Him to remind me of His love and His joy each time I gaze upon the statue, and welcomed Him to His permanent place in my home. Given the aforementioned omens, I think he was pleased.
Cue the reversal of the ritual (thanking everyone, closing the gates, thanking Gaia, thanking Hestia), I poured the offerings I gave upon the stone that's set in the ground outside my apartment (since I couldn't actually DO the ritual outside, they went into a cup and got poured out after the fact).
I have some pictures of the shrine below. One where the candle is unlit, one where the candle is lit (because the light made it too hard to see the candle holder, which I wanted to share because hey, it's pretty). Eventually, a Thyrsus will be added.
Let me know what you think!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Trance with the Bull God is an odd experience, and it's different every time I do it. Tonight, the feeling was akin to one I cherished as a young girl: my father holding my wrists as he spun me in circles, my feet lifting from the ground.
It is a wild feeling, a flying feeling, very in touch with the joyous nature of the God. Knowing that were he to let go, I would be lost, but he holds me fast, and in doing so, allows me to experience joy and abandon beyond what I could hope to experience in the mundane world.
Tonight, for the first time, I saw him in one of his ancient forms: youthful, exuberant, the sun shining, making him glow (or was he glowing from the inside and lighting all around him?). He was the young god of the emerging firstfruits. The vines are beginning to flesh out with leaves and fruit, and he is young again, newly born, newly emerged from the Underworld. He dances among the fields, and where his feet touch springs new life. He is rebirth, he is joy, he is exuberance.
He gave me an oracle: Rho. Wait for a short time. And so I will listen to this mad and joyful god, who spins me in circles and lets me safely back into myself. I will hold my feet, dance the dance I am dancing even now, and when I hear the beat change, then, and only then, shall I move forward.
It is a wild feeling, a flying feeling, very in touch with the joyous nature of the God. Knowing that were he to let go, I would be lost, but he holds me fast, and in doing so, allows me to experience joy and abandon beyond what I could hope to experience in the mundane world.
Tonight, for the first time, I saw him in one of his ancient forms: youthful, exuberant, the sun shining, making him glow (or was he glowing from the inside and lighting all around him?). He was the young god of the emerging firstfruits. The vines are beginning to flesh out with leaves and fruit, and he is young again, newly born, newly emerged from the Underworld. He dances among the fields, and where his feet touch springs new life. He is rebirth, he is joy, he is exuberance.
He gave me an oracle: Rho. Wait for a short time. And so I will listen to this mad and joyful god, who spins me in circles and lets me safely back into myself. I will hold my feet, dance the dance I am dancing even now, and when I hear the beat change, then, and only then, shall I move forward.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Community
So my last post was mostly a rambling of all the thoughts jumbled together in my head. I'm going to attempt to make this one a little more topic-focused. Today's thought: community.
Around my neck hangs a triskele. Cast in bronze, it's begun to wear, but there are rarely days when I take it off. It was gifted to me by my grove at our anniversary rite in August of 2012, as a token of having completed the Dedicant Program. Every member of the grove gets some such token for completing that particular study program, and mine is the triskele. I don't have any particular connection to that symbol specifically, but I've grown quite attached to it since the necklace was gifted to me.
A bit of backstory. I first met my grove when I lived, for roughly a year and a half, in Columbus. I was a student there, I didn't have a car, so I only went to a handful of rites. Still, it led me quickly to joining ADF. I shortly transferred to another school and moved about an hour and a half away. I briefly (for roughly a year and a half) left paganism in favor of Catholicism. I didn't go to grove rites for a number of years. A deeply personal experience that I'm unwilling to publicly blog about led to my return to paganism. I started working on my own, I set up a personal altar, I read everything I could get my hands on, but a little voice in the back of my head said to me, "Remember the Dedicant Program that drew you to ADF in the first place? You should really look at that again..."
I didn't still have my study materials, so I renewed my long-expired membership. Part of that renewal asked for Grove affiliation. None, I wrote. And then that little voice again. "They might remember you." I thought about it for a long time. I assumed I would be shamed for having gone the way of Catholicism and then coming back. I assumed there would be snickers behind hands and whispers behind backs about the girl who couldn't make up her mind. It wouldn't have been the first time I'd heard such talk, though it would be the first time I heard such talk from pagans.
Still, I, and my roommate, went to a Samhain rite. The drive was long, and when we arrived, there were over 100 people in attendance. The last rite I'd been to with that grove only had about fifteen! How could so much happen in two years?! (Turns out, there were a number of visiting groves and other pagan groups in attendance... I haven't seen a rite quite that large, except possibly Comfest, since then). Lo and Behold, though... someone walked up to me and said, "Hey! Welcome back. We've missed you." Another grove member came to me and said "Welcome home." Home, I thought... Yes. This is home.
I completed the Dedicant program two years later, having my documentation accepted exactly 1 week after my petition for full grove membership was accepted. My "turkey basting" occurred and I was gifted a token which I will not, under any circumstances, speak more about. I spoke to Teutates not as "the god of the tribe" but as The God of My Tribe. It was warm, loving, and supportive.
When I left graduate school the first time (I'm returning this fall, to COMPLETE my degree), I got myself a Big Girl Job. I moved further south (adding about 20 minutes to any drive to a grove High Day), and started working 5 (sometimes 6) days a week. This meant two things: I now had some money, but I now had no time. My shift has just now changed to allow me to leave work while the sun is still shining, but if it happens on a weeknight, I am simply too far away to join my grove for events. High Days are always on Sundays, usually the one closest to the actual High Day, so I can usually make those. But druid moons, full moons, liturgy and study meetings... I can't go to them anymore. At all. It's simply not possible.
A close friend suggested getting involved with the local grove (yes, there's one closer than my original grove). I have considered this. They're good people, and I could find a home there. Still, the separation from MY grove is exceedingly painful. They are kin to me, not just 'members of my church.' I can't make weekend trips to Columbus anymore, and outside of High Days, I never speak to or see anyone from the grove. It's causing me to question how much of a member I really am. I wonder, sometimes, if anyone thinks of me and wonders where I've been. I wonder if they miss me, if they wish I were closer. I wonder if I ever contributed in any way.
Recently, one of our priests posed a question to Facebook: "If you could give 6 words of advice to new pagans, what would they be?" One of the responses was "Can't find community? Make your own."
I did some searching for pagan communities in the area I'm moving to this fall, which is STILL further from my grove. UU churches have been suggested to me (and I know the CUUPS is a good group, even if they don't have a local branch down here). I tried contacting the few pagan groups I found that were not exclusively Wiccan, and received no response (possibly they're defunct and the website just hasn't been updated; this seems to be a fairly common occurrence with pagan websites). But maybe... maybe it's time to start something. I'll be in that town for a few years. I know there ARE pagans there.
So this is what I'm pondering right now. Leaving a community on good terms, maintaining ties over distance and time, starting fresh, starting something new, and tying everything together to form a lasting bond.
Advice?
Around my neck hangs a triskele. Cast in bronze, it's begun to wear, but there are rarely days when I take it off. It was gifted to me by my grove at our anniversary rite in August of 2012, as a token of having completed the Dedicant Program. Every member of the grove gets some such token for completing that particular study program, and mine is the triskele. I don't have any particular connection to that symbol specifically, but I've grown quite attached to it since the necklace was gifted to me.
A bit of backstory. I first met my grove when I lived, for roughly a year and a half, in Columbus. I was a student there, I didn't have a car, so I only went to a handful of rites. Still, it led me quickly to joining ADF. I shortly transferred to another school and moved about an hour and a half away. I briefly (for roughly a year and a half) left paganism in favor of Catholicism. I didn't go to grove rites for a number of years. A deeply personal experience that I'm unwilling to publicly blog about led to my return to paganism. I started working on my own, I set up a personal altar, I read everything I could get my hands on, but a little voice in the back of my head said to me, "Remember the Dedicant Program that drew you to ADF in the first place? You should really look at that again..."
I didn't still have my study materials, so I renewed my long-expired membership. Part of that renewal asked for Grove affiliation. None, I wrote. And then that little voice again. "They might remember you." I thought about it for a long time. I assumed I would be shamed for having gone the way of Catholicism and then coming back. I assumed there would be snickers behind hands and whispers behind backs about the girl who couldn't make up her mind. It wouldn't have been the first time I'd heard such talk, though it would be the first time I heard such talk from pagans.
Still, I, and my roommate, went to a Samhain rite. The drive was long, and when we arrived, there were over 100 people in attendance. The last rite I'd been to with that grove only had about fifteen! How could so much happen in two years?! (Turns out, there were a number of visiting groves and other pagan groups in attendance... I haven't seen a rite quite that large, except possibly Comfest, since then). Lo and Behold, though... someone walked up to me and said, "Hey! Welcome back. We've missed you." Another grove member came to me and said "Welcome home." Home, I thought... Yes. This is home.
I completed the Dedicant program two years later, having my documentation accepted exactly 1 week after my petition for full grove membership was accepted. My "turkey basting" occurred and I was gifted a token which I will not, under any circumstances, speak more about. I spoke to Teutates not as "the god of the tribe" but as The God of My Tribe. It was warm, loving, and supportive.
When I left graduate school the first time (I'm returning this fall, to COMPLETE my degree), I got myself a Big Girl Job. I moved further south (adding about 20 minutes to any drive to a grove High Day), and started working 5 (sometimes 6) days a week. This meant two things: I now had some money, but I now had no time. My shift has just now changed to allow me to leave work while the sun is still shining, but if it happens on a weeknight, I am simply too far away to join my grove for events. High Days are always on Sundays, usually the one closest to the actual High Day, so I can usually make those. But druid moons, full moons, liturgy and study meetings... I can't go to them anymore. At all. It's simply not possible.
A close friend suggested getting involved with the local grove (yes, there's one closer than my original grove). I have considered this. They're good people, and I could find a home there. Still, the separation from MY grove is exceedingly painful. They are kin to me, not just 'members of my church.' I can't make weekend trips to Columbus anymore, and outside of High Days, I never speak to or see anyone from the grove. It's causing me to question how much of a member I really am. I wonder, sometimes, if anyone thinks of me and wonders where I've been. I wonder if they miss me, if they wish I were closer. I wonder if I ever contributed in any way.
Recently, one of our priests posed a question to Facebook: "If you could give 6 words of advice to new pagans, what would they be?" One of the responses was "Can't find community? Make your own."
I did some searching for pagan communities in the area I'm moving to this fall, which is STILL further from my grove. UU churches have been suggested to me (and I know the CUUPS is a good group, even if they don't have a local branch down here). I tried contacting the few pagan groups I found that were not exclusively Wiccan, and received no response (possibly they're defunct and the website just hasn't been updated; this seems to be a fairly common occurrence with pagan websites). But maybe... maybe it's time to start something. I'll be in that town for a few years. I know there ARE pagans there.
So this is what I'm pondering right now. Leaving a community on good terms, maintaining ties over distance and time, starting fresh, starting something new, and tying everything together to form a lasting bond.
Advice?
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Just starting out...
I decided to start an actual blog. My old DP blog is still out there on live journal, but it seemed inappropriate now that I've long completed the DP and am moving to another phase in my spirituality. So, here I am, a bull-headed follower of a Bull God (Dionysus, for those of you playing the non-Greek game). This is probably going to be a combination of rantings, devotionals, ponderings-out-loud, and assorted musings on life, religion, faith, growth, and anything else that pops into my head. We're all mad, here.
Due to the public nature of this blog, I'm going to attempt to not reveal TOO much about myself, and trust that those reading who know me will be able to fill in the blanks.
Let's start off with something that's been rolling around in my head, then. The concept of faith.
Faith among pagans, at least in my experience, is rarely talked about. At least for my overarching church, there's this notion of orthopraxy vs. orthodoxy, and we are decidedly orthopraxic... what you believe doesn't matter nearly as much as what you do. It seems, almost, that even talking about beliefs (philosophy AND theology, which I separate from one another) has become a sort of "taboo." Maybe this is because of my nature as a mostly solitary druid--most of my contact with other pagans is through Facebook, with the exception of the occasional High Day that I can make the drive to celebrate with others. My lack of conversation with other pagans is greatly affecting what I hear and experience, even as a grove member. There's not a whole heck of a lot I can do about that, either, I feel--I just can't make a two hour drive with any kind of regularity, and most people I talk to (or try to talk to) are incredibly busy. Not that I'm blaming anyone, it's just the reality of my situation at the moment.
This whole train of thought came into mind due to an odd experience I had this weekend. I was visiting my sister in another state, and went to church with her--a VERY large, non-denominational, "community church" that she's become very involved in in the time she's lived there. I'm pretty sure everyone I met there assumed I was Christian, just based on my relationship with my sister, even though I wasn't singing their songs (I might have, had I known the words or tune) or praying their prayers (which are all silent, so no one knew who I was actually praying to). This, as a saw, is a community. A group of people serving each other and serving the world, all based on a foundation of belief. The sermon was even on that foundation... the classified it into three things. Essentials (Jesus died, Jesus was buried, Jesus rose, Jesus appeared), Convictions (things you believe very strongly but aren't necessary to be a Christian), and Preferences (worship style, hair color, what have you). The pastor spoke at length about the unfortunate tendency of Christians to turn Convictions and Preferences into essentials, whilst dumbing down the essentials into something no one ever really talks about. The point of the sermon was to step back and look at yourselves--look at what's necessary for your belief, and focus first and foremost on that.
I found myself, during their time of silent prayer, saying my first prayer to the Abrahamic god in many years. I thanked him, oddly enough, for what he has done for my sister--he is not my god, but he has blessed my sister, she has found a community focused on him that she is at home in, and she's had amazing things happen because of it. Her relationship to her church, interestingly, has made my relationship to her stronger over the years. So I thanked that god, and we parted, I think, on good terms.
It took me roughly 7 hours to drive home that day. I spent a great deal of time thinking about that community based on faith, and I came to realize... I miss that. I miss the community, the inclusion. I'm a member of a druid grove, at least in name, but... am I really? They meet often and I can't be there, they do local community events that I can't be a part of because I live two hours away. Soon, I will be moving further south, further away from that grove. I find myself wondering, when the time comes this fall, if I will renew my official membership. They are forever my kin, but the distance is taxing me, more so than I think any of them know.
I find myself thinking about my faith. What do I really believe? What beliefs are at the core of my self? Even if it's what I do that makes me a pagan, what beliefs INSPIRE what I do?
I spent some time with Dionysus tonight. He was there, as always, ready to sit with me and talk. Ready to calm me and comfort me and inspire me and inform me. I was given an oracle--Delta. The best interpretations that I've found of the Greek Oracle come from this site, and the part that stuck out to me most is this: "Blind conformity to customs is spineless; overly strict adherence to rules is self-defeating." The words I heard in my heart told me to examine WHY I do what I do. And to change my practice accordingly.
I'm going to be taking some time. Dionysus has many faces, and I would like to meditate on and study as many of them as I can. I'm also going to be doing some research on ritual and the Core Order of Ritual as is used in ADF. There's a possibility my own devotions and my own practice will change. Enough to cause me to leave ADF...? Doubtful, but possible. We'll see where this leads me. I have been promised personal insight and a successful practice if I go through with this. This blog is, in part, an outward train of thought as I do this.
Wish me luck, friends. Help me with insight. Help me see things I might not, interpret words and actions as I cannot within my own head. And, if you will, ask the gods to grant me faith and fire.
Due to the public nature of this blog, I'm going to attempt to not reveal TOO much about myself, and trust that those reading who know me will be able to fill in the blanks.
Let's start off with something that's been rolling around in my head, then. The concept of faith.
Faith among pagans, at least in my experience, is rarely talked about. At least for my overarching church, there's this notion of orthopraxy vs. orthodoxy, and we are decidedly orthopraxic... what you believe doesn't matter nearly as much as what you do. It seems, almost, that even talking about beliefs (philosophy AND theology, which I separate from one another) has become a sort of "taboo." Maybe this is because of my nature as a mostly solitary druid--most of my contact with other pagans is through Facebook, with the exception of the occasional High Day that I can make the drive to celebrate with others. My lack of conversation with other pagans is greatly affecting what I hear and experience, even as a grove member. There's not a whole heck of a lot I can do about that, either, I feel--I just can't make a two hour drive with any kind of regularity, and most people I talk to (or try to talk to) are incredibly busy. Not that I'm blaming anyone, it's just the reality of my situation at the moment.
This whole train of thought came into mind due to an odd experience I had this weekend. I was visiting my sister in another state, and went to church with her--a VERY large, non-denominational, "community church" that she's become very involved in in the time she's lived there. I'm pretty sure everyone I met there assumed I was Christian, just based on my relationship with my sister, even though I wasn't singing their songs (I might have, had I known the words or tune) or praying their prayers (which are all silent, so no one knew who I was actually praying to). This, as a saw, is a community. A group of people serving each other and serving the world, all based on a foundation of belief. The sermon was even on that foundation... the classified it into three things. Essentials (Jesus died, Jesus was buried, Jesus rose, Jesus appeared), Convictions (things you believe very strongly but aren't necessary to be a Christian), and Preferences (worship style, hair color, what have you). The pastor spoke at length about the unfortunate tendency of Christians to turn Convictions and Preferences into essentials, whilst dumbing down the essentials into something no one ever really talks about. The point of the sermon was to step back and look at yourselves--look at what's necessary for your belief, and focus first and foremost on that.
I found myself, during their time of silent prayer, saying my first prayer to the Abrahamic god in many years. I thanked him, oddly enough, for what he has done for my sister--he is not my god, but he has blessed my sister, she has found a community focused on him that she is at home in, and she's had amazing things happen because of it. Her relationship to her church, interestingly, has made my relationship to her stronger over the years. So I thanked that god, and we parted, I think, on good terms.
It took me roughly 7 hours to drive home that day. I spent a great deal of time thinking about that community based on faith, and I came to realize... I miss that. I miss the community, the inclusion. I'm a member of a druid grove, at least in name, but... am I really? They meet often and I can't be there, they do local community events that I can't be a part of because I live two hours away. Soon, I will be moving further south, further away from that grove. I find myself wondering, when the time comes this fall, if I will renew my official membership. They are forever my kin, but the distance is taxing me, more so than I think any of them know.
I find myself thinking about my faith. What do I really believe? What beliefs are at the core of my self? Even if it's what I do that makes me a pagan, what beliefs INSPIRE what I do?
I spent some time with Dionysus tonight. He was there, as always, ready to sit with me and talk. Ready to calm me and comfort me and inspire me and inform me. I was given an oracle--Delta. The best interpretations that I've found of the Greek Oracle come from this site, and the part that stuck out to me most is this: "Blind conformity to customs is spineless; overly strict adherence to rules is self-defeating." The words I heard in my heart told me to examine WHY I do what I do. And to change my practice accordingly.
I'm going to be taking some time. Dionysus has many faces, and I would like to meditate on and study as many of them as I can. I'm also going to be doing some research on ritual and the Core Order of Ritual as is used in ADF. There's a possibility my own devotions and my own practice will change. Enough to cause me to leave ADF...? Doubtful, but possible. We'll see where this leads me. I have been promised personal insight and a successful practice if I go through with this. This blog is, in part, an outward train of thought as I do this.
Wish me luck, friends. Help me with insight. Help me see things I might not, interpret words and actions as I cannot within my own head. And, if you will, ask the gods to grant me faith and fire.
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